Sometimes, it's hard to be patient.
Sometimes, it's hard to be happy with what you've been dealt.
Sometimes, it's hard to be happy for other people when they have things you want.
Sometimes I wonder if I missed a memo somewhere in life that said something along these lines "if you want to ever get out of school and move on with your life, or have more children, or a working vehicle, or a reasonable family schedule, or an organized enjoyable home, or money, then you better come to this meeting and sign these papers, or else it will suck to be you."
I know I've got a lot to be thankful for in my life, and believe me I am. I am so grateful for a hardworking husband, who will even work a crazy shift (1am to 9:30am) to financially support us. I am so VERY thankful that he only has to work that shift until sometime in July. I am thankful to live somewhere safe. I am thankful for friends and family who take care of us in our time of need, especially while having a broken car for more than 2 months. And I thank my Heavenly Father a million times each day for my sunshine girl who brings more joy and wholeness to me than I could ever have imagined possible. And I am thankful to have the light of the gospel in my life, I would be lost without it.
But even keeping that in mind, I feel a little slighted and forsaken at times. It's hard to hear another friend is pregnant when I so desperately want to be. It's frustrating to see so many friends move away and on to real houses and jobs. It's still so painful even though my mother has been gone for 11 years to see or hear about friends doing things with their mothers. It's so disheartening to have to put dreams on the shelf time after time.
I can't help but wonder what I must be doing wrong. Why do these things that seem to come so readily to some, seem to be so out of the question for me?
I am trying to wait. I am trying to be patient. I am trying to accept the Lords time.
But today it just seems so hard, and I just want to cry.
If there is anyone out there who has any amazing advice, or magical ways to solve my problems, I would love to hear them. Until then, I guess I will keep on waiting.
30+ Winning Side Salads to Try This Summer
2 days ago
Posts
8 comments:
Heather, I can't tell you how calming reading your post was for me. I FEEL THIS WAY TOO! I have often felt in the past little while that I have been forgotten, that I am just supposed to sit around in frustration until he makes it back to me. I understand where you are coming from, I watch friends move onto real houses and dreams while we are stuck in a pile of medical debt.
I keep waiting for the miracle to happen to pay it all off, but it doesn't. I think the real blessing in all of it is, even though I feel like we are treading water most of the time, we are at least treading.
One of my favorite scriptures is in Daniel 3:17-18
17If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king.
18 But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.
I know that the Lord is going to help us, but if not, if right now is not the time for that help, there must be a higher purpose. Something we are supposed to learn or become.
I know that the Lord is going to show us where we need to be, but if not, if the time to know is not yet. We will not lose faith because we know the knowledge will come.
I know this probably doesn't help. I don't know that there will ever be an easy way to accept the Lord's timing, but know that I know how you feel. My heart aches with yours. You are an amazing, wonderful person.
I have been there (so many times)...years back we tried to stop being patient and force things. we wanted to get on with life, have jobs, etc...and it all blew up in our face. We were miserable, both working full time on off shifts so oliver could sit and watch TV all day, and in massive debt... leaving us to start all over. It took some huge crazy stuff to happen for us to finally be okay with where we are. We were pretty stubborn & confident that we could figure it out....but it doesn't work that way. That's not to say that everyday I see younger "kids" in the ward move on to houses, being helped out by their parents and not ever having to live in the "real world" doesn't totally annoy and frustrate me. Because, believe me...it does. BUT....after all that...I figure we have learned our lesson of patience already...and from here on out things are only going to get better. Those who rush into things are only going to have to learn patience farther down the road and give up more to do so.
Hang in there...
Heather! I give you a virtual hug, and if I didn't have to run out of town after work, I would give you a real hug.
I don't fully understand your situation, but I can understand it in part. Sometimes it seems like what I really really want is not what Heavenly Father has in store for me. And sometimes it frustrates me to no end! On Sunday my home teacher gave me a great lesson. He talked about Elder Russell M. Nelson's talk "Facing the Future with Faith," and my HT talked about faith to overcome fear. I suddenly realized that, although I'm not fearful right now, I need faith to overcome my frustration. It was kind of cool.
You are awesome! And thanks so much for the watermelon. :)
"Our Heavenly Father is aware of us and knows our needs. He is working on our behalf to answer our prayers and help us with our perplexing problems. It is essential that we trust Him and wait upon His timing". - quote from a book i have.
Heather i really do understand your pains. I myself have a very hard time harboring patience with what life seems to have dealt. My patience seems to run in short supply a lot, and i forget to turn to the Lord, my husband, and friends. I hope the future brings many blessings and opportunities your way.
Hey Heather! I remember being where you are. I remember expressing many of the same feelings you have and someone older telling me that some day I would look back on those days with great fondness. I thought that person was CRAZY! But guess what? She was right! Sometimes I'd love to go back to that time even though it seemed so hard at the time. When life gets "normal" you will find that you have been refined by the hand of God in a remarkable way. This quote is a good explanation: "A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear [that results] from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl." ~ Stephan Hoeller
Hang in there, my cute friend. You are a beautiful pearl in the making! Love you tons! :)
Oh, Heather, I love you! And as much as we hear "This too shall pass" and "Find joy in the journey" it is SO hard to find that mentality so often! So instead, I take comfort in what a stake president said once (I think it was there in Logan? but I don't remember exactly) -- if things are going very smoothly, be ready because things are about to get bumpy. If you aren't having temptations and trials, then what are you doing in your life? Trials show we matter to the Lord, and temptations shows that we matter to the opposite, so as long as both sides are still caring enough about what we are doing to make life difficult, we are doing what we should be doing, as long as we keep striving to follow Christ. (Roughly quoted, anyway :)
So, when life is hard, it's because you matter to the eternal plan :)
Sorry to hear you've been feeling crappy lately. I understand how you feel sometimes and when I'm feeling bad about the things in my life, it really is hard to look at the sunshine. I have felt every one of those things you're describing. It's hard. You look at people with "perfect" lives though and suddenly their lives aren't so perfect. And even though I don't own a home and my rental house smells like a mildew flood, I'm sure someday the Lord will bless you and I with mansions as penance for all the years living in hovels, haha! :) Hugs, girl!
I love you Heather. I wish I could make everything better. I wish I could give you a new car and just give Jacob a degree and an amazing job, but I sadly do not have those magical powers. :(
I know when I get stuck in a rut, no matter what someone says I can't get out until I've eaten all the chocolate in the house, lied in bed for hours, and mulled around depressed for a few days. Then hopefully I can convince myself that life isn't really that bad.... but in hopes to lift your spirits, you should know that I am often jealous of you. Your husband is super smart and so close to being done with school it seems unfair. Plus he's going to be done with his Master's not just a Bachelor's which means he will get this awesome job and make lots of money. We are on the slow road out of school with many more steps before Matt gets the career he wants. You have an adorable child who is so cute and so happy. You live in a small(er) town where it seems like much less scary things happen then in Salt Lake, and from my perspective it almost always seems like you and Jacob have things put together and are so happy all the time. (yes I realize now does not seem to be one of those happy times). You are so good about doing genealogy and looking to the Lord for help and teaching Emma these things too. There are a million other things I could say about you. If you guys need a break, let me know and we will come and pick you up and bring you to our house for a weekend and dote on you.
Post a Comment